nov. 17. 2010
For some reason, I have felt inspired to jog down some of my thoughts about me, maybe so my kids will one day look back and see what was going on with me, be more forgiving I wasn’t more energetic, or to help someone out there who may be facing the same things, or simply, to help me.
I was able to finally pull myself out of bed at 10:00 this morning. My children have gotten the routine down, or at least put it to action today. They are ready, rooms cleaned, chores done, and I check on them to see what’s going on. I pull my hair back(which I just got colored yesterday and am excited to fix it, but don’t have the energy to even shower today). I wash my face and brush my teeth, stay in my pajamas, switch out loads of laundry…company comes in two days and I’m behind! I sit down to fold the laundry, and turn on a little Mindy Gledhill. Her songs touch my heart, and one of her songs says,….it’s not about your scars, it’s all about your heart. time is said to heal our wounds.
I guess this hit me more this morning, as I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, exhausted beyond measure, trying to perform my motherly duties which I love, but am extremely and constantly humbled that my days and ideas usually never go as planned, due to my lack of health. As the healing process has begun, it creates havoc, as we are getting rid of the “bad” stuff, and trying to put “good” stuff in.
And yet, as I’m writing this, sitting on my floor in my bedroom, my three younger children pass by, laughing and chatting together, going in to do French together.
So I know there are blessings to all of this. Even though I can only will my body to do so much, I see my children learning hard work, responsibility, discipline, self-esteem, teamwork, and love. I absolutely love having them home with me throughout the day, I love homeschooling them, I love teaching them, I love experiencing life with them, and I only hope and pray that I will feel whole again, energy, peace, balance within this body I have been given, and can overcome this trial the way I’m supposed to.
A huge lesson I’ve learned, is to choose wisely what I invest my time in. I only have so much energy to give, and I’ve learned to filter through the good, better, best…I feel I am putting what I think is best first. That’s a tremendous blessing I know, some never learn that lesson, run ragged, not knowing what the limits are, and for me, I’ve been given those limits. They are slowing down, and spending “time” with them. That’s the “best” for me.
And I want my husband to know, I can’t imagine anyone else in the world having more tolerance and patience, kindness and sympathy, love and understanding, than you. Having a loving husband is the BIGGEST blessing I have. Health is a tremendous trial for everyone in the family, and my husband has never complained, never said no to spending money on what we have needed to, and has always fully supported me. I don’t know what more I could ask for…except for better health of course!